Most professionals will have encountered the reflective cycle at some point during their training. I certainly did. What continues to surprise me is how rarely people actually use it.
That’s a shame, because it’s one of the simplest tools available for turning everyday experience into progress.
Used consistently, it helps people recognise what is working, learn from what isn’t, and make small adjustments that compound over time.
In practice, the reflective cycle comes down to three questions.
The Three Questions
After a meeting, a conversation, a piece of work, or simply at the end of a day, ask yourself:
1. What went well?
2. What didn’t go so well?
3. What would I do differently next time?
That’s it.
Three questions.
It looks almost too simple to matter. In practice, it can be surprisingly powerful.
The Question Most People Skip
The first question — what went well — is the one most often overlooked.
In a previous piece on celebrating wins, I explored how easily we miss behavioural progress. People are usually quick to analyse mistakes or shortcomings. What went well rarely receives the same attention.
That means many wins disappear from view.
You handled a difficult conversation calmly.
You spoke up when you normally wouldn’t.
You prepared well for a meeting.
These are all forms of progress. But unless we deliberately notice them, they are quickly forgotten.
This is why the first question matters.
It helps reinforce the behaviours we want to repeat.
Why the Second Question Matters Too
The second question is equally important, but the wording matters.
Notice it is not:
What went badly?
It’s:
What didn’t go so well?
That small shift in language makes a difference.
People often react strongly to negative phrasing. If the question sounds too harsh, reflection quickly turns into self-criticism. Once that happens, the learning tends to stop.
“What didn’t go so well?” keeps the tone constructive. It allows us to examine the situation without turning the whole experience into a failure.
Taking Ownership — In Both Directions
Reflection also introduces something many people misunderstand: ownership.
When people hear the word “ownership,” they often assume it means taking responsibility for mistakes.
In reality, ownership works in both directions.
It means acknowledging where you contributed positively and where you could improve.
Owning the wins builds confidence.
Owning the missteps creates learning.
Both matter.
Why This Works
There is also a biological dimension to reflection.
When we consciously acknowledge progress, the brain’s reward system becomes involved. Dopamine is released, reinforcing the behaviours that led to the result and strengthening the neural pathways associated with those actions.
At the same time, pausing to reflect tends to calm the stress response. The nervous system shifts out of constant problem-scanning and into a more settled state where learning is easier.
Small moments of reflection, repeated regularly, help the brain link effort, behaviour and outcome. Over time that makes useful behaviours more likely to be repeated.
Simple, Not Easy
Like many useful tools, this one is remarkably simple.
That doesn’t mean it’s always easy.
It requires a moment of attention and a willingness to pause before rushing on to the next task.
Used regularly, however, these three questions create a quiet feedback loop. They help us notice progress, learn from experience, and adjust our behaviour in small but meaningful ways.
A Small Practice
The reflective cycle can take many forms.
At one end of the spectrum it might look like a quiet moment with a coffee, a favourite notebook and a pen — a deliberate pause to review the day.
At the other end it might be something much simpler: a single mindful breath after a meeting, briefly noticing what went well, what didn’t, and what you might try differently next time.
Both approaches work.
The important element is awareness. When reflection is paired with a moment of attention in the body — noticing how something felt or where tension sits — the learning tends to integrate more deeply.
You can use these questions at the end of a day, after a meeting, or even briefly in the moment.
- What went well?
- What didn’t go so well?
- What would I do differently next time?
Even a short reflection can shift how experience is processed.
And over time, those small moments of awareness accumulate.
How This Connects to Celebrating Wins
The first question in the reflective cycle naturally reinforces the practice explored in my earlier piece “Why Your Confidence Doesn’t Match Your Competence.”
When we ask “what went well,” we begin to notice behavioural progress that might otherwise go unacknowledged.
The reflective cycle turns experience into learning.
And in many ways it captures the essence of coaching itself: try something, reflect on what happened, adjust, and try again.
Iterate, reflect, iterate.
Leave a Reply